Freak - 07/15/10

Three of the words
I hate the most,
I say the most:
I don’t know.

I can’t bare not to know,
anything
everything
something,
and therefore
nothing.
I want to know everything,
so I must learn nothing,
too.
But not knowing,
and knowing nothing
are not the same,
not by a long shot,
no where near.
And I don’t know right now.

Don’t know things I’d like to know,
things I want to know,
things I need to know
but the universe
is keeping it on a need to know basis,
and apparently
I don’t need to know.
But I do.
Or,
I’d like to.
But I don’t.


I miss you.
Deeply.
And the lack
of your words
on the screen
is making me think
that maybe it’s me,
that I’ve done something,
said something,

wrote something?
Could that be?

It’s just making me
empty,
dead,
worried,
and filling my head
with thoughts
that I’m trying really hard
not to think
but those thoughts sink
into my skull
like bullets fired at my head
and tell me
“you’re a freak,
and you’re weak,
and you’re better off dead”
and I just wish
I could know something else instead,
but there’s a lack
of facts
so the thoughts
are all I have.