Lipstick DayDream - 01/31/14

One of these days,
I'm going to wear
lipstick like the women
in movies,
because
one of these days,
there'll be commercially available
red lipstick
that actually matches
the candy-apple red convertibles
in those movies.

WhateverWhatever - 01/31/14

I've got no doubt
About my side of the bargain,
But darlin',
I wish I did.
I can be sure
That my part is pure,
But it's you
I doubt to to oblivion.

And, somewhere,
I know better.
And, somewhere,
I'm not here.
There has got to be
somewhere
I don't disappear.

Whatever, whatever
I still got the radio
And I won't give a fuck
As long as this song's on.
Whatever, whatever
There's still tomorrow
To let it all play out wrong.
Whatever, whatever.

Better and Worse - 01/21/14

Nothing tastes better
than the smell of the coffee
you've been denying yourself
for a day, a week,
almost a week and a half.
You can smell if from
your professor's cup
across the room
and you remember
that every single
cup of coffee
has always tasted
good enough
to distract you from
the equations on the board.

Nothing tastes worse
than your lips
saying, "Yeah,
I started again.
I never really
wanted steady hands
and normal REM cycles."

topology - 01/20/14

i'm going to say some shit
about infinities
which will never capture
the affinity
i have for being able to prove
that some infinities
are equivalent
and some are bigger than others.
and the cardinality
of the union
of the set
of things i like about
proofs
and the set
of things i like about
infinities
is such a smaller infinity
compared to the cardinality
of the things i like about
you

and i know how to
prove it
mathematically

When I Say That You're Stardust - 01/19/14

Don't let anyone tell you that you can be anything;
that if you dream it, you can be;
that you'll get anywhere wishing on stars.
This world was not built to grant your wishes,
nor mine,
and, someday, you'll find
that your blood is required to get very far.
I want you to know this going in.
I don't want you to know
that the world is mostly darkness;
I want you to know
that you're the world's only light.
I don't want you to know
that life is a battlefield;
I want you to know
when and how to fight.
I don't want you to know
your place;
I want you to know
how to scream,
I want you to know
what your words taste like
when they leave your mouth;
how to say "love" and mean it;
how to say "hate" and mean it;
what equality looks like,
what power feels like,
and how to have the parts
of both that you want and need
in order to breathe
a sigh of relief
in this eighty, ninety, hundred year struggle
of your life.

I want you to know
you'll never get anywhere wishing on stars.
I want you to know
you'll get exactly where you are
and you'll never be happy
if you aren't allowed
to watch comet trails in the night
and imagine a utopia
where you don't have to fight
for the right to be
exactly the way you were born.
I want you to know
that a star is more you
than a mirror and
I want you to know
that the same is true
for everyone you meet.
I don't want you to know
that you can be anything
because I want you to know
that you are everything.

Equation of State - 01/18/14

Sometimes I
can feel the weight
of each cluster of cells
that you left on me.
It is such a burden
to carry your memory
in even a fraction
of my neurons.
The pressure
of your presence
disrupts the models
I might use.
You linger in each
twitch of my fingers,
fidget of an earring,
tight breath.

Sneaker Wave - 01/17/14

When I was seven,
I was caught up in a sneaker way
while playing on the beach,
but all I remember are bubbles.
There were bubbles
all over the sand,
sea foam
all over the sand,
like the water had all
run away
and left a trail of bubbles
for me to jump on.
I remember jumping on bubbles,
then sea all around me,
then yellow rain boots.
My dad wanted to get me
rain boots
after he pulled me out.

Apparently,
I could have died?

I don't remember that.
I don't remember feeling that
pain, terror, life flashing before my eyes.
I didn't know fear.

But know it now,
to fear the future,
to fear potential pain,
to fear failure,
to fear what's coming,
to fear the night,
to fear fighting for my life.

And I don't think about
jumping on bubbles
anymore.

Radical - 01/16/14

break me
break me
break me down
into little pieces
you can swallow
you can handle
you can control
you can devour
break me into chunks
you can hold
you can lift
you can control
break me into
dull edged shards
you can touch
you can move
you can throw
break me
break me
break me into dust
you can't see
you can't cut
down anymore

break me because
were it any other way you
would be cut on my rage
could see my eyes blaze
couldn't throw me away
couldn't move me from this path
couldn't touch any piece of my skin
couldn't control any of my words
couldn't lift the weight of my knowledge
couldn't hold my attention
couldn't devour my heart
couldn't handle my power
couldn't swallow the universe
that I rule,
that I dominate,
that I understand and influence,
to grown and prosper,
that I nurture,
that I create.

Ariel - 01/15/14

All the words caught in my throat
broke on the hope
they might be free
to sing and scream
are wondering
what it might be like
to hear themselves
through the air
but they don't dare
to stay beyond
the cage
their guard has made.
And, I swear,
it's to keep you safe
from the things that I would say.
You don't want to hear them,
anyway,
you're better off,
better stay aloft
on the winds of
all the things
I can't say.

Canonical Partition Function - 01/15/14

Here is how the energy
is partitioned between you and me,
here is how you've drained the systems
as far as can been see,
here is how you destroyed
the ensemble that could be.

Cold Turkey - 01/13/14

Two pressure points
in the minor fractures
of my scalp
from aimless thoughts
and concentration
picking away
layers of tissue
and bloodying my
fingers nails is
nothing compared
to the intoxicating
scent of fresh coffee
from the seat next to me.

Never should have
quit tea.

The Smallest Possible Unit of Soul

There's a quantum computer
in my soul,
impacting the body,
impacted by the body,
like a child and a fool,
rejecting that
"Whatever is, is"
and letting in stray cats.
There's a jumble of qubits
in my soul,
making errors and errors
on perception and sense,
on the way things are joined,
seen, heard, smelled, tasted, felt.
I experience the sensation
of perceiving you

(but you probably aren't there

[thanks, Descarts]

{But I think you are}])

in a transfer of information
as a superposition of
binary code
in infinite combinations
of α and β.

God,
mathematics,
and my own existence
search for an ad hoc
theory of everything
devoid of my sense perception
such that I cannot imagine.
What in my mind is innate
and where does it come from?

It's a very particular emotion - 01/12/14

The comments
on internet news articles
make me want to
set flowers on fire
so if you understand
the reaction
I'm trying to convey,
plant me a garden
of delicate
purple pansies
to fuel my rage.

Photobomb - 01/11/14

I have more
memories of photographs
than
photographs of memories
which says something
deep and meaningful
about my life,
but I can't remember what.

Love Poem For H - 01/10/14

I sometimes wonder
what your heat break
tastes like
and if you lick
any wounds
when I retreat
from your life.
I wonder if
you're sleeping
any better
these nights.
I wonder
and I hope.
You can weave
a sunset
in your eyes
and fill me up
with pretty lies
that I believe
every time.
So I wonder
what I know of you.
I wonder if
I know you.
I wonder
and I hope.

Doll and Doll-Maker - 01/09/14

Take me away from the black sea,
the ancient theater,
the shattered porcelain in the
torched doll shop,
and your yellow gown.
Taffeta and satin,
gossamer gloves
over far fairer skin
forever lost from the moonlight,
swept away by the dawn.
Let me lament the night
until the chrysanthemums that fill
your rotting mouth
burst forth from
your ashy grave.

Blood&Bone - 01/08/14

I am the cure for the common cold.
I am a pot of coffee at midnight.
I am white blood cells.
I am critical mass of fissile material.
I am 30 hours, 40 hours awake.
I am complete the goal to eat.
I am weakly interacting massive particles.
I am color confinement.
I am so close to straight As.
I am decaying.

Tinnitus - 01/07/14

When the ringing in my ears
becomes mundane
and commonplace
and I don't jolt my head
around for bells
or a frayed cable
plugged into the television,
turning my head
like some anachronistic
ship's wheel
to see if one orientation
fades away,

then you may lose hope
that I will
learn to breathe clean air
and chase silver sunlight
without having to be
reminded.

Abyss - 01/06/14

I miss the
idea
of you.
The possibility
of a text,
the hope
of a touch.
I miss open doors
and windows
more than
half-drunk conversation
from half
of us.
I miss "if,"
not swallowed in
a gaping hole
that leads
but one way:
down.

She - 01/05/14

I identify as a woman
but really I am

steel bones
forged in the heart
of a star erupting
into its successor
with diamonds in
my joints
and venom in
my marrow;

mythril muscles
knitted by the goddess
of revenge
but tailored to my bone
by forest sprites
weary of fire;

plastic veins
vibrating under my skin
every time
needles
eyes
scissors
or the monsters hiding in men
are mentioned;

blue fire
and lightning bugs
and punk rock music
and decaying charm quarks
wrapped in paper,
painted in crayon,
choked in ribbon,
drowned in books;

captain,
wizard,
queen,
debate mother,
teacher,
shadow.

Tea Shop - 01/03/14

Don't look up from the coffee pot
where your sweet tea tears
flavor bitter caffeination
to feign regeneration
of your heavy, longing eyes
and quicken the pace of your heart
with chemical uncertainty.
 So in the dust between
first edition Dickinson anthologies,
pine for pages
to spark beneath your fingers
and the scent of rose petal tea
to fill your heaving lungs.

Increased Police Activity on 82nd - 01/02/14

A healer handed me
a miracle stone
while we waited for the bus
outside of a bank
being robbed,
red and blue flashing lights
for a block in
every direction.
He said I was going to be
on a magazine
because I had vision.
He said to remember
that no matter how much
hate, racism, and evil
we encounter,
there is also and always
love.

2014 - 01/01/14

Capture the world in more words and memories
and less regrets and fantasies.
More tea, less coffee;
more coffee, less espresso shots;
more espresso shots, less procrastination;
more procrastination to look at the stars.
Look at the stars.
Look at the moon.
Ask friends to walk with me,
ask friends to dine with me,
watch movies with me,
laugh with me,
sit in silence and study with me.