What a Lovely Place - 05/16/11

And, oh darling, how time flies
When you can’t begin to realize
That nothing you do changes anything
That nothing you say makes bells rings
That you are just a distant star
That you are so very far
From all the ones you wish to see
Ever since you pushed them behind the scenes
They’re trapped inside your little vials
Where you keep the sadness, pain, and sarcastic smiles
Where snowflakes fall down in flames
And movies stars can gain no fame
Where love is wordy, personal, and true
At least when I am in close proximity to you

And what about the lonely nights?
Well, here emerge the darkest fights
The dreadful words of passive aggression
Like perfect children in therapy sessions
We’re warping own poor minds
And yet that’s the part we don’t seem to mind

So darling, darling, set us free
Return us to where we used to be
Find that place where metaphors grew
Forever untouched by teardrops and dew

Could Be So Much Worse - 05/12/11

So you want a happy song?
A nice serenade?
Something kind
To whisk your mind away?

But here’s a sad note
And another desperate line
Crystalline teardrops
Falling in time

You see,
What if it was my name on a bomb?
Dropped on civilians
In a war so long?
What if the characters of my name
Continued a conflict that I wish would refrain?
And what if I wished
That I was that bomb
Falling to desert with a startling thud
What if I wished
That I couldn’t fly?
What if I wished to still try?

What if I chewed my fingers to the bone
And gnawed my lips right off?
What if I screamed
With pleasure at the scene
Of my own blood
On marble?
What a sight to marvel

What if I cut down my chest
And opened a bleeding soul?
Let insanity squeeze
Into every line of poetry
Let all the crows fly
Just to be shot from the sky
By lightening
And drift back to the Earth
Like snow

Isn’t it pretty?
Isn’t it pretty?
Isn’t it pretty,
The red rain?
My wet face?
The dark nights
Brought to life
By mechanical LED lights?
The long conversations?
The fleeting temptations
To step off the face of the world?

We thought I was better
But there’s no way
Not when there’s still
Another pill
That might cure a disease
That I probably don’t have
Why would I wish
For a psychiatrist
To cry to
When I have friends?
I’m not insane
Just a little pained
At least,
That’s what I tell those friends

So where do I place
The pallium surface
Of a decentralized brain?
Is there a way to keep taste
While removing sight
And sound
And smell
And feel?
Because the metal of blood
Is smooth on the tongue
As you’ll know if you’ve ever bit
A bit to far into your skin

And these are even
The full whipped cream
On this gory meringue
That comprises my dreams
My thoughts are disgustingly dark
And I think that’s why
They’re so appealing

I need a little outlet
That isn’t quite cutting
And isn’t quite shutting
My brain completely down
Every time anything goes south
So don’t mind if I indulge
On the image of my body
Mangled and cold

Giving Up - 05/12/11

If all you want from me
Is just my brain
Girl, you can get lost
Because I’m a human
Not a calculator
Not a fact sheet
Sure would be sweet
If I had all your answers

If all you want from me
Is my love, unconditionally,
None of my insanity
None of my instability
None of my absentmindedness
Then you can fuck off
Because I’m not just one emotion
Wouldn’t it be great if I was
Never upset at the same time you are
I could make everything perfect
But, boy, I’m not perfect

If all you want from me
Is my smile
A chance to cheer up
To be normal
To be happy
And act like everything’s fine
But why should I swallow
All my sorrow
For the privilege
Of your time?

 I’m so sick
Of all of this
This whole fucking world
And raindrops
That fall without end
And sleepless nights
With murderous trends
It won’t matter
When my life ends
One little blip
A bit more entropy
In a universe
Of misery
And Prozac

What more
Could you ask for
Than a death
That’s meaningless?

Time After Time - 05/12/11

Well, thanks so much
My darling love
For vague
And unsure heartbreak
And it sure feels great
When the night’s so late
And you pick now
To start a fight
You know it’s love to care
But my heart’s not there
She’s gone looking for sanity

And, yes, I know
I do everything wrong
And, yes, I know
That it won’t last long
I’d like to try to be perfect
But nothing makes it seem worth it
So what are we doing?
Where are we going?
Why aren’t we stopping?
Why aren’t we growing?
We’re the same rigid people
Our derivative’s zero

When you lay it out
It’s all my fault
So what does it matter
You’ve done nothing wrong
This won’t last very long
Just relax
Just breathe
Everything will get better
And then it will crumble
Again and again
The same sad cycle
Time after time
Oscillating like the tides
Tearing down sand castles
Time after time