Angel - 06-24-11

Ms. Perfection
Has got a confession
She’s no android
Just a humanoid
I’ve got flaws and I’ve got feelings
Can’t you see me hit the ceiling
Every time that you’re repeating
“Where’s the logic?  Where’s the reason?”
Where’s an equation
For devastation?
Where’s an argument
Against humiliating?
What ever made you believe
That logical closure
Would help me regain composure?
I’m no Vulcan
From a heartless world
I’m just you sad, depressed
Hopeless little girl

I’m done with being an angel
I’m going down to Hell
Getting away from this tundra
Breaking out of my cell
It’s time for me to be me
And not the girl you see
It’s time for my dead heart
To be revived and set free

No amount of contemplation
Of this situation
Will ease any pain
There is nothing to gain
From running around your brain
Wish that you would see me
Wish you wouldn’t believe me
When I blatantly lie
About being fine
 You’ve known me for almost 17 years
And you can’t tell when I’m fighting back tears
Tell me, what have I been doing here?
Isn’t there a home for me here?
Or should I leave this cold Hell
For a blazing hot one?
Father, please, do tell
Should I run like a shotgun
Away from here?
Or should I pretend not to hear
The fights and the insults
And my own muffled tears?
It’s been nearly 17 years

Wherever There Is Love - 06-20-11

Wherever there is love
Being picked up from the ground
Being reach out to
Being called for
Being brought back around
Wherever there is love
There will be apathy
And insincerity
On a slide show reel
Of the heartbreak
You’re about to feel

Wherever there is hope
In every place sun brightens
There will be shadows
And monsters
Waiting to bite them
The ones who step out of the light
How they were frightened
Brought to their knees
And you’re beginning them “Please!
What happened to put out
The light in your heart?”

It was just one second
Away from the sun’s rays
It was just one second
In the monster’s gaze
It was just one second
Reveling the world’s ways

It took away your hope
It took away your memories
All the good times with family
Every friend you’ve ever loved
Every boy you’ve ever hugged
And replaced them
With shadows and monsters

It just took one second
Away from the sun’s ray
It just took one second
In the monster’s gaze
It just took one second
Seeing the world’s true ways

Every single good thing inside you
Every time you didn’t let
The darkness bite you
The cold chill of winter
Puts out the flame in your heart
What a way to start
The summer

Don’t you know what’s comin’ to her?
Hasn’t said a word
About her soul
In weeks
Actin’ so strong
But really, she’s weak
Cuz she stepped in the shadows
Out of the sun’s rays
Stepped in the shadows
In the monster’s gaze
Stepped in the shadows
Saw the world’s true ways
Stepped in the shadows
Threw her soul away

Now wherever there is love
Wherever there is beauty
All the girl can see
Is apathy
Insincerity
Oh, World, what did you do to me?
How could I have been so deceived?
Show me the light and I’ll call it sunshine
Show me darkness and I’ll see the light

Red and White - 06-08-11

Step naked out of the steam,
pruned fingers shrivel,
feet curl,
lashes flick off crystals
of hydrogen and oxygen.
And your reflection in the mirror,
of one eye red with crying
and the other white with lying,
looks like madness
brought perfectly to life
by brush strokes
ruining beautiful white canvas,
madness pushed forth
with the strength of self hatred,
harbored beneath a polarized lens
that shields from your view.
One eye red with crying,
the other white with lying.
A clown's mask,
splintered,
torn and ripped,
jagged down my face.
You can trace the lines with a nail.
Zig there,
zag here.
Point to point,
perfectly straight lines
on an imperfectly warped face.
The hum of the bathroom fan
melodious and continues,
dependable like waves on a beach,
repetitive,
repetitive,
repetitive.
Hot, pink cheeks
hitting cold, stiff air,
cascading into stormy pain.
Whisper to me,
whisper to yourself,
speaking strange words
of a strange mind
that drowns in salty water.
One eye red from crying,
the other white from lying,
What a sight to see
on my own face.

The Edge of the Universe - 06-07-11

Let me just try to explain
The changes in my brain
The shift in the synapses
The rearranging of the road

Sit alone,
On the edge of the universe,
Looking out.
What do you see?
Probably nothing,
You can’t see anything
Beyond what exists.
But I can.
I have found the right lens
The right glasses
The right perspective
That allows the images
That are just beyond the edge of the universe
To filter into my brain.

This used to be what drove me insane,
Trying to see what wasn’t there
Trying to image what I couldn’t fathom
Trying to hear smells,
Taste light,
See sound.

Mr. Meursault
Thought to kill a man
For the sun.
He shrugged at the guillotine,
His long face still unemotional,
The crowd cheering hate.
I held my tongue and waited.
Listened.
Sat still as Siddhartha on the river,
Listening to the trickle of rememory,
All the different generation blended
Into a single reflection,
Reflecting himself.
Patient in the countryside,
Clara sat at her desk and wrote,
And waited for the right time to speak,
To use her voice.
Patient in the plains,
Ida sat before the screen,
And kept her powerful story
For the end, the climax.
Patiently in the ice,
Shukov lived one more day.
I listened,
Patiently,
Quietly,
Hidden behind musty pages
And fictional titles.
Observing what was beyond
The edge of the universe.