2014 - 01/01/14

Capture the world in more words and memories
and less regrets and fantasies.
More tea, less coffee;
more coffee, less espresso shots;
more espresso shots, less procrastination;
more procrastination to look at the stars.
Look at the stars.
Look at the moon.
Ask friends to walk with me,
ask friends to dine with me,
watch movies with me,
laugh with me,
sit in silence and study with me.

Ordinary Ghost - 09/15/13

Hey, little wisp of smoke,
Hey, little spirit,
Hey, little transcendental passerby
Won't you tell me why
you're in this creaking house, why
you're in this gloomy room?
Why, little ghoul, oh why?
Shouldn't you be haunting
all the small things?
Shouldn't you be with
the Pumpkin King?
Shouldn't you, little spirit?
Shouldn't you, little spirit?
Oh, shouldn't you buzz,
little fly?

But you're an ordinary ghost
in this damn dark world
and you've been left behind
by all the vampires
who don't care if you're alright

But you're a quiet, little ghoul
in this deafening world
who's nothing beside
all the banshees
shrieking tonight

They're gonna tell you that
"Good little ghosts
don't go no where,
cuz you're only as loud
and the screams you snare."

Who are you haunting tonight?
I say,
who are you haunting tonight?
Little ghoul,
who is on your mind?
Who do you wish
wasn't afraid of the night?

They're gonna tell you that
"Good little ghosts
don't go no where,
cuz you're only as loud
and the screams you snare.
Good little girls
had better beware
of the darkness
lurking everywhere."
And if you try to ask
when the darkness persists,
those monsters will try
to feed you some bullshit
about how shadows are caused
by your light,
when you're the only thing
even close
to right.

But you're an ordinary ghost
in this damn dark world
and you've been left behind
by all the vampires
who don't care if you're alright

But you're a quiet, little ghoul
in this deafening world
who's nothing beside
all the banshees
shrieking tonight

Oh, little ghoul,
I promise I care
Oh, little ghoul,
I know it's tough out there
And, baby, I swear
You are scary
Oh, who is haunting you tonight?

Never a New Year, Just a New Day - 01/12/12

It’s a tingling sensation.
Like you can feel each individual cell,
Each of your billions of cells just die.
Shivering and shaking.
You can feel each blood cell move
Through the veins under your wrists.
Up through your arms.
Into your shoulders.
Back to the heart.
You can feel yourself dying,
Every single day.
It’s a tingling sensation.





Dragons in the sky,
Fighting and biting,
Exploding in the night,
But never a knight
To slay them.

The beautiful thing about the night
Is the quite and the dark.
But each celebration demands sparks
And pops and bangs,
Each one breaking on my ears and eyes
As shrieks and horror scenes.

Resolutions I will never stick to:
1. Eat at least two meals every day.
2. No more cutting.
3. Love myself.
4. Stop lying.
5. Stop crying.
6. Get help.

There’s nothing so happy
About another year
Faking smiles
And spouting denial.
How many more celebrations
Until I can give up?

Santa Doesn't Love the Suicidal - 12/19/11

Santa doesn’t love the suicidal
Nor the chronically depressed
He only loves the ones who smile
And he forgets the rest
 
Because good kids don’t run with scissors
And good kids don’t cry
Because good kids’ thoughts don’t linger
On each and every lie
 
You better not cry
And you better not pout
And you better not scream
And you better not shout
And you better fake a smile
And shove your emotions down
If you want anyone
To love you now
 
God doesn’t care for the schizophrenics
Who hear his voice in their head
God doesn’t love the young maniacs
Who joke about being better off dead
 
Because good subjects are seen, not heard,
Good subjects slowly die
Good subjects aren’t the boys and girls
With the courage to look God in the eye
 
You better not cry
And you better not pout
And you better not scream
And you better not shout
And you better fake a smile
And shove your emotions down
If you want anyone
To love you now
 
Coach don’t care for the nervous
And Mama don’t want the insane
And no one wants to be friends with
The strange girl who’s always in pain
 
But Coach loves my fake smile
And Mama ignores all the signs
And everyone want to be friends with
The quiet girl who tells perfect lies
 
You better not cry
And you better not pout
And you better not scream
And you better not shout
And you better fake a smile
And shove your emotions down
If you want anyone
To love you now
 
So if I’m not here tomorrow
Please, don’t cry or worry
Just know I went to find the Devil
The only one who loves me for me
 
Because sometimes I need to cry
And sometimes I need to scream
And sometimes parts of me want to die
But you can see which won this scene
 
You better not cry
And you better not pout
And you better not scream
And you better not shout
And you better fake a smile
And shove your emotions down
If you want anyone
To love you now

Hopes Rise and Fall Like Fireworks - 07/04/10

Light this sky
This dark sky
This veiled window
Like a gothic bride
Ribbons and lace
Seems like it’s such
A disgrace
Not to see the light
Night sky without stars
Without a moon
Without a chance
To bring yourself back
On your own will
The fuse is lit
But in your silly mind
It’ll end so much brighter
So much louder
Such a bigger bomb
To shake the streets
And make your ears pop
And your eyes see spots
Form staring
At the colors,
The colors
Brilliantly shining
In sudden bursts
Of beautiful
Of bright
Of magnificent
Ribbons of fire and ash
So destructive
So lovely
Spinning
Flying
Bursting
Breaking
Falling
And beating
Back down on the road
With sparks
And jumps
Like heart beats
And sparks
And jumps
And all with the
Hushed awe
Of those looking on
The flames reflected
In their dark, glassy eyes
Reflected on
The veiled windows
Of the houses
The line the streets
Like toy soldiers
All in straight
Little lines

But sometimes
The fuse is consumed
Eaten alive
Without so much
As a scream
By the flames
The leap from lighter
To line
But the sparks
The lights
The pops
And bangs
Of dynamite exploding
And flying up
And crashing down
Is not but the crashing
Of all the little visions
That your silly mind
Works up
In anticipation
Because you think
That you know
That the real deal
Will no doubt
Be even better
Until the real deal
Is nothing
Nothing at all
Just dark, glassy eyes
Reflecting other eyes,
Just veiled windows
Reflecting the ones
Opposite them
In the dark
And the cold
And the sinking
Of hopes through your heart,
Feeling
   it
      all
         come
                  down

Headache Dreams - 07/04/10

Amid the

      Pop
            Pop
                  Pop

Of the rockets
That burst colorful
In the dark sky
Lighting the celebration
Of life through death
Of liberty through tyranny
Of peace through war
I dream a dream
Of a world
That I only see in my dreams
So far off
But it feels like it’s
Within my reach
And I reach out
Into the blackness
Lit by the occasional

      Pop
            Pop
                  Pop

Of dynamite
And fire
Kissing passionately
I grab a hold
Of just a corner of that world
And pull myself
With all the strength
I have,
Strength of heart;
To hold myself together;
Strength of body,
To hold myself up;
Strength of mind,
To hold the world around me
The way it should be;
Strength of soul,
To glue it all together,
Like gravity does the universe.
And I,
Myself,
For I do alright just
Myself,
Plunge into this world
This different world
This nicer world
Where the

      Pop
            Pop
                  Pop

Of patriotism
And the sound
Of my family
And the strum
Of guitars
And the laughter
Of happy people
Doesn’t make my head
Spin
And trip
And smash
Like someone lit
One of the rockets
Off inside,
Blowing my brains
Against the side of my skull.
I dream that I’m floating
On a cloud of cotton candy
In a purple sky
No sun, but still light
No clouds, but still cool
With a gentle wind
That relaxes
And refreshes
Keeping the air circulating
Keeping my breathing right
Steady
How it should be.

Sometimes,
I dream that I’m laying
On a carpeted mountain range,
No more than thirteen feet
With dew drops
That hang still in the air
And make music,
Little drops of music,
As you brush them.
I dream that I’m laying,
Looking up at billions of stars,
Much brighter than the

      Pop
            Pop
                  Pop

Of fireworks
But they don’t blind
And they don’t hurt
My hindered eyes,
They just dazzle
And glitter
In the night’s skirt
As it dances back to day.
But in that day
The stars
The stars
The stars
They still shine
Just as brilliant
And I dream this dream
This happy dream
And I feel it
For a few seconds
Until the

      Pop
            Pop
                  Pop
Of fireworks
Brings me back to reality

We Don’t Get Bigger, The World Gets Smaller - 07/04/10

Seemed like
When I was little
When I was just a kid
The whole world
Lit up
On the fourth,
Not just this little bit.
Seemed like
It was the most
Magical
Like it was the most
Beautiful
Like it was the most
Special
Thing in the world.
Like fireworks
Were dragons
And dragons were real.
Like that was cool
Not frightening.
Seemed like I couldn’t wait
To light one off.
Seemed like the world
Was nice.

And it also used to seem
Like holidays
Meant something.
Like there was a reason
That tradition was important
That we had to
Just had to
Make a leaf pile
And jump in it on
Thanksgiving.
Like we had to
Just had to
Wear green on
Saint Patrick’s.
Like a million other little things,
But that’s just it:
They're little things.

And when you miss one,
Just one little thing,
Suddenly it’s not a big deal.
And neither are any of the others.
But that’s a big deal.
The fact that it wasn’t.

Crying because
You feel nothing.