Anger, Not Sorrow - 10/16/10

The neon lights
Of life
Are fadin’
As I’m running
Away form them

Well I was on top
Of Everest
And I saw the world
And it was all the same
Up there on Everest
The air’s so thin
No one could hear me scream
So I jumped all the way down
To the ocean floor
Below the ground
Cuz I never learned
How to break down

Say I’ve got sixty more year
‘Til I’m out the door
But I don’t think
That I’ve got
Any more than 44
Don’t ask me for the answers
Cuz I’ve never really known
Every “A” has been a suicide
A reason to be alone

Sweet 16
I’m not so sweet
If you could see me
You would scream
Cuz I’m only sweet
To the bugs who crawl
And creep
And eat me
I’m just a freak

There are no more bubbles
Rising from the water
It’s all over
No more tomorrow
As it’s always been
At least here
In this mess
Things make sense

I can see
Infinity
And, damn,
It scares me
To be nobody
Is a freeing thing
To be

Say I’ve got sixty more year
‘Til I’m out the door
But I don’t think
That I’ve got
Any more than 44
Don’t ask me for the answers
Cuz I’ve never really known
Every “A” has been a suicide
A reason to be alone

Anger, not sorrow
Anger, not sorrow
Anger, not sorrow
Someone help me
Leave everything
Behind
So I can finally
Sleep at night

The blood
Oh, the blood
My blood
It floods
It flees
From my skin
Cuz it can’t take
The state I’m in
And who could blame it?

Moonlight - 10/14/10

Sleepy eyelids cannot see
the way that wide ones can,
and with my eyelids drooping
dropping, dragging
still trying to stay awake
the things I see are shadows,
but not for lack of light:
your chin haloed like an eclipse
by headlights that flicker by,
street lamps that stand impassive as we move.
The hint of your lips,
not full, just the bottom one
smooth, soft, velvety to sleepy sight
and my resire to reach out
and stroke those lovely lips
curved gently upward,
not a grin, just a peaceful,
simple smile
that I hope has something to do
with my weary head
on your shoulder.
I notice, through sleep,
that every time the car turns sharply
and forced beyond our control
sway my listless form from you,
your grip on my hand tightens.

Pull me back, I'm much happier with you.

The vibrations of the car
pulse frequencies of everything rattling
our hands included,
wavelengths matching up,
crest to crest, trough to trough,
until I feel something like numbness
but in it the wholeness so longed for:
I cannot feel where my fingers end
and your knuckles begin,
the separation between our palms.
I almost hate every affectionate squeez
making me tell the difference
between you and me.

10/11/10 - 10/11/10

I know nothing
relativly
something
but anyhting
is everything
when it come
to certain things
the one fact
that won the debate
the one case
that should have been made
one little
twitch
flick
slip
and the life drips
out of the shell
the cup shatters
upon the ground

Nature Walk - 09/23/10

Death in the vivid life of nature:
leaves on the ground,
apart from the tree,
we call so green and rejuvenating,
really a lack there of.
The ground is blanketed in bodies.

Some are old,
already shrivled
and they crunch
with the same sharp
click
as my pencil breaking.
They are brown,
all their original green drained,
sucked into the soil below,
into the grass,
into the ancient tree roots,
into the baby worms.
They are heavy,
do not rustle gently in the wind,
do not lift from the earth
and dance spiritually
on a passing breeze.

But some are still bleeding.
Freshly fallen leaves of yellow,
with trickling veins of green
still so prominent
on the soft ground.
Young bodies,
bright, beautiful, benevolent.
What shall become of these?
These children of the world?
Falling before their time
or maybe ripped from branches
by beings more childish than they.
These ones flit and flutter,
spin softly and sputter,
spiraling sweetly back to the soil
when the wind ceases.
So light and lofty,
a satisfied sigh,
a lover's lament,
a gracious gust from gods
still so unknown.
Spirited souls of shimmering leaves,
where fly thee?
To the arms of power?
To the lips of love?
Or to the warm dirt?
To a new world
or a new beginning
or just back to
where you came?
Is your energy not conserved
as it transfers
back to the earth?

09/22/10 - 09/22/10

Thinking
Sinking
Mingled tingling
Beginning
To pull rapidly
On the capacity
Of the brain
The limit of the mind
Tug of gravity
Altered reality
Unsure stability

09/21/10 - 09/21/10

Privacy
Won't you tell me
What you see
In intimacy?
Is it clarity?
Curiosity?
Does memory
Draw us closely?

09/17/10 - 09/17/10

nervous ticks
dog new tricks
bloody thorn pricks
sick of being sick
only makes me
much more sick
not for lack of wish
to get better
to enjoy the weather
that's slowly changing
rearranging
the seasons
the cold air
the rain
not that i'm complaining
i like the changing
but not the wet
that makes me sick
and sick
and sicker
much quicker
but it's prettier
so worth it?
I think it
could it?
should it?
does it
matter?

A Typical Kid vs. Atypical Kid - 08/25/10

Bring it on
Bring it out
Why don't you kids
Whip 'em out
You gotta learn
To grow and glow
And have some fun
Before you blow
Mother's son
Fuck the sun
Screw the snow
And let's go
Let go

CHORUS:
Cross your heart
Hope to fly
Open your brain
Close your eyes
Back to start
Reach up high
Accept the insane
Touch the sky
END

Fireworks
And TNT
Kid, whatdya mean
Thinkin' they're
Different things
Adjacent lessons
Between
Therapy sessions
Have screwed your
comprehension
So you're young
and naive
It's better to believe
Take it from me
There are many things
You don't want
To see

CHORUS

A typical kid
Atypical kid
Bring your best head
Cuz this is it
It's lose or win
The ultimate
Sink or swim
It's about to begin
Cultivate
The brain seeds
You need
Open it
To all the weeds
Maybe you'll find one
That beats everything

CHORUS

My Life as a Tangereen - 08/24/10

nothing rhymes
with orange
not really, at least
some people think
that door hinge
does
but orange
is a lonely
word to use
in a poem

Diamond Blood - 08/23/10

Out of
The blackness
Of my mind
Two lines
Start to rhyme
There’s a beat
A spark
Of heat
In three four time

CHORUS:
Baby it’s raining diamonds
Can’t you see ‘em shining?
Making dents
In the cement
Or is it just me?

And don’t you know
It’s starting to get cold
Wind is blowing
Seasons showing
All the colors you can’t see

Who am I, who are you?
Does it matter what’s through?
Skin or blood?
Dirt or mud?
It’s all diamonds to me
END

Every scar
On my brain
Every memory
Of pain
Is all here
To entertain
In lyrical harmony
Or perhaps
Cacophony ?
Whichever springs
From misery

{CHORUS}

Tell me
Truly
Does it matter?
The diamond rain’s
Pitter patter
And the
Dying night
And fading laughter?
Flying knives
And red rivers
In the disaster
All just part
Of the universe’s
Coded chatter

{CHORUS}

Skin or blood?
Dirt or mud?
It’s all diamonds to me

Bring It - 08/21/10

I'm completely sick with ignoring the death toll
and always letting the bad guys win
I believe in a higher power than the human soul
and we call them dolphins

I'm going to blow
this whole world
away from where it is
if I die
I'll leave this place
better than it was
don't believe me?
don't follow me
it's not darkness
that'll swallow me
but you
when I'm though

I've sat by
through all the years
of all our fears

I'm another year older
and another brain cell bolder
and I'm ready
to take control
of my life

sorry
to those I leave behind
to those I've made cry
but I won't let you die

I'm going to blow
this whole world
away from where it is
if I die
I'll leave this place
better than it was
don't believe me?
don't follow me
it's not darkness
that'll swallow me
but you
when I'm though

it's my time
the world is mine
in the flip of a dime
I can decide your fate
but it's not too late
to make the right mistake
and take
this ride
for the final time

I Know Which Way - 08/14/10

let me tell you one thing
one last time
i'm sick of your texts
and pathetic lines
how many ways can i say
"God damn it, just go away?"
without being so blunt
and making this seem like my fault
stop it now
just shut up
you're a sociopath
and i'm giving up
there's a world of boys
around the corner
better looking
with better mental order
so beat it
see ya
wouldn't want to be ya

I Know Which Way - 08/14/10

let me tell you one thing
one last time
i'm sick of your texts
and pathetic lines
how many ways can i say
"God damn it, just go away?"
without being so blunt
and making this seem like my fault
stop it now
just shut up
you're a sociopath
and i'm giving up
there's a world of boys
around the corner
better looking
with better mental order
so beat it
see ya
wouldn't want to be ya

My Blood - 08/14/10

it's kinda fun
being under the gun
does something to my blood
makes it run

down to my feet
tapping out a beat
letting off some heat
yeah that's pretty neat
feel it in my fingers
and the numbness lingers
kinda tingle
like a catchy jingle
a look in the mirror
makes nothing clearer
know better than to ask twice
for your enemies advice

but there's something kinda fun
about being under the gun
does something to my blood
it makes it run

up to my ears
there's a POP and i can't hear

but it takes away any fear
now things look clear
let's be honest, everything's simple
your life is like a thimble
so easily lost

double-checked double-crossed
rhyme and reason have all been tossed
(whoa oh)
so exciting
(let's go)
so delighting
(two no shows?)
enlightening
(screw 'em both)
despite me

i'm on Vicodin - 08/13/10

i wanna grow life
in a jam jar
prove all the jar heads wrong
change the pace
to the human race
spike up the tread mill
down hill dash
don't crash
or if you do
just don't hit your head
not that
you use it
might loose
if you don't
but you won't
cuz i know
you're not flying that high
just a mile
or five
above the sea
as you can see
there's no better place to be
than beside me
crashing with me
whatcha say?
just one day
to blow your brains away
that's all it take
to kiss this death awake
the grim reaper is a prince
coming to take your breath away
so just stay
and you'll see
there's no better place to be
than a mile
or five
above the evening drive
crashing head on
to the past
where daydreams actually last
bring me back