Gold - 07/24/11

Oh, my darling, look at the streets of gold
Wonder where they go to, wonder where they end
Wonder if I’ll ever walk on normal streets again
Couldn’t we walk on this road forever?
Watching lovers come together
On such a beautiful road

Forget the road less traveled
It’s so dangerous there
You never know what we’ll learn
About each other
That might catch us in snares

So stick to the golden road
Stay with the pretty lies
Stick to safety
Stay with happiness
All in your lover’s eyes

It Takes an Original Mind To Save the World, Their Prescriptions Will Kill You - 07/24/11

All the pretty chemicals
From caffeine to Prozac
Are running through
Your lovely head
Preparing an attack
On everything you think you are
On everyone you want to be
Changing the very molecules
That are the minor difference
Between you and me
You’ll never be the same again
You’ll never know your soul
Your mind will be like every other
You’ll be under control
The blue pill will keep you happy
But the red will get you killed
Refuse them both
Run for your life
Insanity’s a skill
Hurry, child, hurry
The world is coming down
You’re gonna be consumed by these drugs
If you don’t make your decision now

That Girl - 07/22/11

That girl would live off mixed drinks if she could
Partying in her upper class neighborhood
Hard liquor for the sharpest flavor
To contrast her debutant behavior

And she thinks she’s got it so good
And she thinks she leads the high life
She thinks being up to no good
Makes you invulnerable to any down sides
And she thinks that all the drugs
Will just find their own way out
And she thinks that all the boys
Will ever bring her down
She thinks that there’re no negatives
She thinks there is no pain
She thinks she’ll live forever
Well, what a bloody shame
That her pretty face will find the gutter,
That she’ll be blubbering for her mother
The second her drunk driving kills somebody’s daughter

Midnight - 07/21/11

Can you imagine
On a cloudless, summer night
A girl in a ball gown
Steps in the spot light
Can you imagine
A princess
Until midnight strikes

She’s lovely, lovely, lovely
She’s perfect, pretty, and pure
She’s simple sensationally
Glamorously gorgeous
Her smile’s the ultimate cure

Wouldn’t you just love to meet her?
Wouldn’t you just love to be her?
What could be better
Than spending forever
Peering out
Of her perfect eyes?
But what you don’t realize
Is she’s only a princess ‘til midnight

It’s All Poison - 07/20/11

It’s about that time
After midnight chimes
When the ghosts all sneak
Into the streets
Searching for something
They can no longer see
Looking for someone
Who can no longer see

When you’re colorblind
Can you tell what’s blood
And what’s just mud?
Can a broken heart
Feel the difference between
Hate and love?

It’s all poison
It’s all poison
From every ounce of drugs
To every second of love
From every alcoholic sip
To every emotional slip
From every time you run away
To every time you try to stay
From every angry outburst
To every silenced counter
It’s all poison
It’s all poison

If you’re gonna hurt yourself
I think you better know
It won’t change a damn thing
It will never show
The humanity you think you’re lacking
The emotions you’re masking
Because the skin bleeds cold, hard iron
While the heart bleeds sad memories

This Dark Art - 07/17/11

I’m running out of innocence
To serve as self condolences
On terrifying sleepless nights
That hang me up like suicide
Where are your bitter words?
Where is my concentration?
What leads us to this underworld
In solemn resignation

Momma, I don’t want to sleep
I kinda like to feel this weak
Let their masochistic side
Seep through me like formaldehyde
Preserving my living corpse
Until you find a pretty hearse

I’m running out of hiding places
Tight and cozy little spaces
To let my anger fester
Free from being pestered
It’s become a powerful acid
Chewed right through my skull
Destruction so classic
I’m swayed by it’s pull

Momma, I’m not gonna sleep
I really love to feel this weak
Let their masochistic music
Turn me into something tragic
Leaving me as just a corpse
Better find a pretty hearse

This Breaking Heart - 07-15-11

These burning words
Are all I’ve heard
In the hollow of my head
In the dark of my loneliness
On forgotten nights
By computer light
These words are all
That feels alright
So if your scanners detect no life
Don’t bother to check your instruments
There’s nothing wrong with the machine
There’s something wrong with me
So let the silence seep in
Let the sadness creep in
It’s only 3 am
The party’s just beginnin’

Unplug - 07-14-11

So turn off the LEDs
Smash in the computer screen
Pull these USBs from my veins
Tune out the suped up cars
Lock up all the movie stars
Cut the power line to my brain

Well, Ke$ha, you’ve got a pretty voice
So I wonder if you have any choice
Or if it’s the producers who let the computer sing
Beyoncé, you were the queen of pop
But three years without an album and it all stops?
Even the best of our singers turn out to be just a fling

All the punk rock’s
Fallen to cold pop
Under the terminal’s conquest
Between blind neutrality
And budding individuality?
End’s up being no contest

So turn off the LEDs
Smash in the computer screen
Pull these USBs from my veins
Tune out the suped up cars
Lock up all the movie stars
Cut the power line to my brain

Well I’d like to talk
To whoever’s at the top
Of the record companies deciding
Where the sellouts go
When appeal runs low
Thinking they’ll turn thunder back into lightning

I think there’s a ditch somewhere
Filled with forgotten artists and despair
That’s where Rebecca Black will stay
When she’s forgotten on Saturday
That’s where every modern singer will go
When their appeal finally runs low
That’s where current culture dies
With our music lost in an blinking of an eye
That’s what we’re all headed to
Fashion and cinema, art and science too
The screen has slowed our cognitive function
The video games make our ADD rambunctious

Yet the shooting stars
Are going far
On a beautiful summer evening
But good luck
Seeing them through the ceiling

So turn off the LEDs
Smash in the computer screen
Pull these USBs from my veins
Tune out the suped up cars
Lock up all the movie stars
Cut the power line to my brain

Angel - 06-24-11

Ms. Perfection
Has got a confession
She’s no android
Just a humanoid
I’ve got flaws and I’ve got feelings
Can’t you see me hit the ceiling
Every time that you’re repeating
“Where’s the logic?  Where’s the reason?”
Where’s an equation
For devastation?
Where’s an argument
Against humiliating?
What ever made you believe
That logical closure
Would help me regain composure?
I’m no Vulcan
From a heartless world
I’m just you sad, depressed
Hopeless little girl

I’m done with being an angel
I’m going down to Hell
Getting away from this tundra
Breaking out of my cell
It’s time for me to be me
And not the girl you see
It’s time for my dead heart
To be revived and set free

No amount of contemplation
Of this situation
Will ease any pain
There is nothing to gain
From running around your brain
Wish that you would see me
Wish you wouldn’t believe me
When I blatantly lie
About being fine
 You’ve known me for almost 17 years
And you can’t tell when I’m fighting back tears
Tell me, what have I been doing here?
Isn’t there a home for me here?
Or should I leave this cold Hell
For a blazing hot one?
Father, please, do tell
Should I run like a shotgun
Away from here?
Or should I pretend not to hear
The fights and the insults
And my own muffled tears?
It’s been nearly 17 years

Wherever There Is Love - 06-20-11

Wherever there is love
Being picked up from the ground
Being reach out to
Being called for
Being brought back around
Wherever there is love
There will be apathy
And insincerity
On a slide show reel
Of the heartbreak
You’re about to feel

Wherever there is hope
In every place sun brightens
There will be shadows
And monsters
Waiting to bite them
The ones who step out of the light
How they were frightened
Brought to their knees
And you’re beginning them “Please!
What happened to put out
The light in your heart?”

It was just one second
Away from the sun’s rays
It was just one second
In the monster’s gaze
It was just one second
Reveling the world’s ways

It took away your hope
It took away your memories
All the good times with family
Every friend you’ve ever loved
Every boy you’ve ever hugged
And replaced them
With shadows and monsters

It just took one second
Away from the sun’s ray
It just took one second
In the monster’s gaze
It just took one second
Seeing the world’s true ways

Every single good thing inside you
Every time you didn’t let
The darkness bite you
The cold chill of winter
Puts out the flame in your heart
What a way to start
The summer

Don’t you know what’s comin’ to her?
Hasn’t said a word
About her soul
In weeks
Actin’ so strong
But really, she’s weak
Cuz she stepped in the shadows
Out of the sun’s rays
Stepped in the shadows
In the monster’s gaze
Stepped in the shadows
Saw the world’s true ways
Stepped in the shadows
Threw her soul away

Now wherever there is love
Wherever there is beauty
All the girl can see
Is apathy
Insincerity
Oh, World, what did you do to me?
How could I have been so deceived?
Show me the light and I’ll call it sunshine
Show me darkness and I’ll see the light

Red and White - 06-08-11

Step naked out of the steam,
pruned fingers shrivel,
feet curl,
lashes flick off crystals
of hydrogen and oxygen.
And your reflection in the mirror,
of one eye red with crying
and the other white with lying,
looks like madness
brought perfectly to life
by brush strokes
ruining beautiful white canvas,
madness pushed forth
with the strength of self hatred,
harbored beneath a polarized lens
that shields from your view.
One eye red with crying,
the other white with lying.
A clown's mask,
splintered,
torn and ripped,
jagged down my face.
You can trace the lines with a nail.
Zig there,
zag here.
Point to point,
perfectly straight lines
on an imperfectly warped face.
The hum of the bathroom fan
melodious and continues,
dependable like waves on a beach,
repetitive,
repetitive,
repetitive.
Hot, pink cheeks
hitting cold, stiff air,
cascading into stormy pain.
Whisper to me,
whisper to yourself,
speaking strange words
of a strange mind
that drowns in salty water.
One eye red from crying,
the other white from lying,
What a sight to see
on my own face.

The Edge of the Universe - 06-07-11

Let me just try to explain
The changes in my brain
The shift in the synapses
The rearranging of the road

Sit alone,
On the edge of the universe,
Looking out.
What do you see?
Probably nothing,
You can’t see anything
Beyond what exists.
But I can.
I have found the right lens
The right glasses
The right perspective
That allows the images
That are just beyond the edge of the universe
To filter into my brain.

This used to be what drove me insane,
Trying to see what wasn’t there
Trying to image what I couldn’t fathom
Trying to hear smells,
Taste light,
See sound.

Mr. Meursault
Thought to kill a man
For the sun.
He shrugged at the guillotine,
His long face still unemotional,
The crowd cheering hate.
I held my tongue and waited.
Listened.
Sat still as Siddhartha on the river,
Listening to the trickle of rememory,
All the different generation blended
Into a single reflection,
Reflecting himself.
Patient in the countryside,
Clara sat at her desk and wrote,
And waited for the right time to speak,
To use her voice.
Patient in the plains,
Ida sat before the screen,
And kept her powerful story
For the end, the climax.
Patiently in the ice,
Shukov lived one more day.
I listened,
Patiently,
Quietly,
Hidden behind musty pages
And fictional titles.
Observing what was beyond
The edge of the universe.

What a Lovely Place - 05/16/11

And, oh darling, how time flies
When you can’t begin to realize
That nothing you do changes anything
That nothing you say makes bells rings
That you are just a distant star
That you are so very far
From all the ones you wish to see
Ever since you pushed them behind the scenes
They’re trapped inside your little vials
Where you keep the sadness, pain, and sarcastic smiles
Where snowflakes fall down in flames
And movies stars can gain no fame
Where love is wordy, personal, and true
At least when I am in close proximity to you

And what about the lonely nights?
Well, here emerge the darkest fights
The dreadful words of passive aggression
Like perfect children in therapy sessions
We’re warping own poor minds
And yet that’s the part we don’t seem to mind

So darling, darling, set us free
Return us to where we used to be
Find that place where metaphors grew
Forever untouched by teardrops and dew

Could Be So Much Worse - 05/12/11

So you want a happy song?
A nice serenade?
Something kind
To whisk your mind away?

But here’s a sad note
And another desperate line
Crystalline teardrops
Falling in time

You see,
What if it was my name on a bomb?
Dropped on civilians
In a war so long?
What if the characters of my name
Continued a conflict that I wish would refrain?
And what if I wished
That I was that bomb
Falling to desert with a startling thud
What if I wished
That I couldn’t fly?
What if I wished to still try?

What if I chewed my fingers to the bone
And gnawed my lips right off?
What if I screamed
With pleasure at the scene
Of my own blood
On marble?
What a sight to marvel

What if I cut down my chest
And opened a bleeding soul?
Let insanity squeeze
Into every line of poetry
Let all the crows fly
Just to be shot from the sky
By lightening
And drift back to the Earth
Like snow

Isn’t it pretty?
Isn’t it pretty?
Isn’t it pretty,
The red rain?
My wet face?
The dark nights
Brought to life
By mechanical LED lights?
The long conversations?
The fleeting temptations
To step off the face of the world?

We thought I was better
But there’s no way
Not when there’s still
Another pill
That might cure a disease
That I probably don’t have
Why would I wish
For a psychiatrist
To cry to
When I have friends?
I’m not insane
Just a little pained
At least,
That’s what I tell those friends

So where do I place
The pallium surface
Of a decentralized brain?
Is there a way to keep taste
While removing sight
And sound
And smell
And feel?
Because the metal of blood
Is smooth on the tongue
As you’ll know if you’ve ever bit
A bit to far into your skin

And these are even
The full whipped cream
On this gory meringue
That comprises my dreams
My thoughts are disgustingly dark
And I think that’s why
They’re so appealing

I need a little outlet
That isn’t quite cutting
And isn’t quite shutting
My brain completely down
Every time anything goes south
So don’t mind if I indulge
On the image of my body
Mangled and cold

Giving Up - 05/12/11

If all you want from me
Is just my brain
Girl, you can get lost
Because I’m a human
Not a calculator
Not a fact sheet
Sure would be sweet
If I had all your answers

If all you want from me
Is my love, unconditionally,
None of my insanity
None of my instability
None of my absentmindedness
Then you can fuck off
Because I’m not just one emotion
Wouldn’t it be great if I was
Never upset at the same time you are
I could make everything perfect
But, boy, I’m not perfect

If all you want from me
Is my smile
A chance to cheer up
To be normal
To be happy
And act like everything’s fine
But why should I swallow
All my sorrow
For the privilege
Of your time?

 I’m so sick
Of all of this
This whole fucking world
And raindrops
That fall without end
And sleepless nights
With murderous trends
It won’t matter
When my life ends
One little blip
A bit more entropy
In a universe
Of misery
And Prozac

What more
Could you ask for
Than a death
That’s meaningless?