But I’m Always Thinking About Blood - 11/11/11

I think it’s kind of
steamy, kind of
sexy, kind of
pretty, and kind of
wrong.
I think it’s like make up:
shouldn’t we all be beautiful
without it?  But since it
exists, we aren’t.
But it heats me up
in a way it shouldn’t.
Makes me shudder and
smile and cringe.
Makes me
close my eyes and think about
loose sheets and blood.

But I’m always thinking about blood.

And sometimes
I think I need it.
Other times
I think I’m addicted.
But mostly I just think
about it.  I think
about it
when I wake up and get dressed
and see lines on my thighs.  I think
about it
when I skip breakfast,
because all guilt is
the same guilt.  I think
about it
in class, when my mind
wanders off.  I think
about it
on the bus, staring
off into space.  I think
about it
in the shower.

But I’m always thinking about blood.