Musings - 10/15/11

I suppose
I could love
Being in love
Just as much
As I could
Hate it.

I’m not too afraid
Of being hurt,
And love could
Be worth
Any pain that would
Inevitably come

Synesthesia - 10/15/11

I had no desire
for anything to do with
your heart, your mind, your soul.
You were cute,
that was all that I wanted to think.
You were handsome,
that was all that I wanted
running  through my mind
when I blushed as you walked by.
I wanted a lobotomy,
a heart transplant,
and a computer with a sex drive for a soul.

And you stood up
with a binder full of poetry
and read.

There is magic
in the universe,
particles smaller that electrons,
dimensions I can’t see,
physics I can’t understand.
There is music in the cosmos,
vibrations of heart strings,
sighs at frequencies yet unimagined.
You read poetry
and I heard the space’s symphony.
You spoke art
and I saw sound,
colors replacing noise,
filling the room with swirls
of painted vapor.

So pardon me
if I flirt,
despite knowing your heart
belongs to another girl,
because I saw pixie dust descend
over a classroom
and I felt light enough to fly,
because I tasted music and poetry
and would have swallowed it whole,
given anything more than the aroma,
because it doesn’t matter
what comes of longing and looking,
only that I can enjoy the view,
because life is too long,
love is boring,
and although I cannot
control feeling good,
I can try my hardest not to care.

Roses - 10/21/11

I married a violet rose petal
and a fallen autumn leaf today.
I dropped them in a luscious stream
so that they might together enjoy
the flow of life.
But their marriage held no water,
for the violet rose petal
dropped straight and true to the surface
while the fallen autumn leaf
fluttered through still air
in a chaotic path,
landing in the thorns on the river bank.
So the violet petal
swam the river in solitude.

Now, upon the cement siding
of the bridge -
from which I wed the rose and the leaf -
that crossed the rive -
into whose flow only the rose fell -
there walked a
spherical, spotted, scarlet bug,
a lady in all rights.
This lovely lady lingered
on the cement siding of the bridge,
clasped vertically
by anti-forces
I would love to find control over.
This lovely lady lingered
through the chill
that wafted up from the river.
She stayed through the shivers,
shaking spirals of autumn leaves,
through spirited static,
the waves coursing through the structure
as many a man walked by.

I remained.
Many a man walked by
and I remained.
The wind blew away the leaf,
plants floated down the stream,
and eventually the lovely lady bug
walked vertically off.
I remained.

Near that bridge
that ran over that river
that flowed majestically
through the center of that campus
is a rose garden
where bloom roses of
pearly white,
gaudy pink,
friendly yellow,
loving orange,
biting red,
and the violet of the rose petal
that I married to the leaf.
It was in this garden
that the petal was plucked
and brought to short lived marriage.

There used to be a moral here,
but I lost it as sanity bled from my ears,
so take from this what you will.

Tea High - 10/11/11

I sip smooth silk
from a sheep-shaped
tea cup,
mellowing green one round,
drowsy apple cinnamon chamomile
the next time I pour
smooth silk
to a sheep-shaped
tea cup.
Two small spoons of sugar,
a dash of half and half,
sip deeply,
drink kindly.
Eyes droop slightly,
the tea opening your soul.
All around, the family
snaps and clashes,
bordering on fights,
but all I can say is,
“Tea makes me happy.”
And how it does.
Smooth silk
warming frosty heart,
soothing sad insides,
relaxing the over-active,
ever-worrying,
constantly-running mind
with the sweet of sugar,
velvet of a dash of half and half,
and the chamomile goodness.
Glorious green tea needs a refill.
Set the rusty red kettle on the burner,
wait for the whistle
to answer your prayers
of the drink you
need to keep calm and happy.
Bring forth genuine joy
despite the devastating dirges
and boisterous bellowing
echoing in the tiny kitchen
for this smooth silk
from a sheep-shaped
tea cup
has brought onto my soul
a blanket of herbal drugs
that mellow each sharp word
so it hits my ears as cotton.

I should drink more tea.

Long Days, Longer Nights - 10/06/11

There will be relief soon,
and lightness of heart.
Throw out the old art
and make a new start.
And when you open
your dew drop eyes,
you will see that there
is a sun in the sky.

Take the flame
to the photograph,
just get it over with.
Terminate all connection,
change all direction,
and someday the road will veer
somewhere pleasant
and you’ll be steered
to a serene connection.

There must be something,
fleeting and faint,
somewhere out there to taint
this lunacy
with a hint of fallacy,
and open the cloudy night
to the star’s light.

Painful tickles
coursing through your throat
send coughs and sputters
to every inch of
grape-skin thin packaging,
your bones and muscles and blood
close to unwrapping.
It wouldn’t be so bad,
take the tip in hand,
quick slips, soft drips.

Such a Waste - 10/06/11

If you could be a frozen butterfly -
Rainbow shrouded in ice,
Glazed over,
All hues masked to white and blue;
A frozen beauty
Held in the grasp of the ice
Preserved
Petrified
Perfect under the microscope
Crystalline structures dangling
Like jewelry
From gossamer eyelashes,
Purple from the frost -
Would you leap into the nitrogen
Entrap yourself in glaciers
To be thawed in hundreds of years?

The pretty, frozen butterfly
With her heart chained to her wrist
A sliver in her chest
Singing a bloody ragtime
As she sleeps
A deathly dream
Her blueberry wrists
And raspberry thighs
Sigh longingly for the warmth of wrath
To awaken them
To a murderous tendencies

I’ve Been Having This Nightmare - 10/05/11

I.
It all begins in red:
the world does not consist of black and white,
nor shades of gray,
nor bruised purple,
nor tearful blue,
nor nature green.
It begins in blood.
The universe bursts at the seams,
platelets squeezing through,
and so they escaped to form galaxies and stars.
From the womb was blood,
from the first day of school was blood,
from the first moment was blood.

Red and sticky,
dripping,
splattering, pattering,
thumping, dropping,
congealing,
drying, and then
picked apart until it is blood once more.

Love is bloody,
lust is bloody.
Winning is caked in layers
of dried sanguine
and failing is soaked in its gory liquid.
Peace flaunts it just like war,
mercy frolics in it,
serenity licks it sensually.

And my nightmares relish it.


II.
The pressure knocking
against the back of my eyes
remind me of the nightmare,
sending me back into the night
whenever I rub my eyes.
The burning pinch in the front of them
shakes me
with the paranoid vision of a needle
piercing my cornea.

September Chill - 09/26-11

Your empire spans the continents
Transverses seas
Engulfs the globe.

Mighty, strong, ever-present.
It see all,
Hears all
Consumes all

It is ever thirsty,
Ever lurking in the shadows
Behind the sphere,
On the edge of the umbra,
Waiting for the turn of the Earth
To feed it.

Your Empire of the Dead,
Your control over graveyards
Your legacy of corpses



The flower blooms,
Perfect petals release perfume
Designed to entrap and entreat
The scent smiles upon your soul
And caresses the deep aches
The smell is the closest thing
Your nose will feel
To the melancholy the ears dread and pray for
Of a Dewdrop Sonata
Elegantly crafted to strike tears within seconds
As if specific
Just for those ears


Heavy boots
Young men
Bold heart
Red hearts
Bleeding hearts
Exposed organs and brain matter
So pretty on the petals



The September chill has set in.
My bones chip of icicles each morning,
I yawn and shudder and keep moving.
The empire slows me not.

Crushed By Nothingness- 08/29/11

What do you say to the stars?
What do you say
When they see your scars?
What do you do when their light bombards
The cracks in your head
You’ve been hiding so hard?
And how
Do you
Ever come back
From the black hole’s trap
Once you’ve seen such darkness?
How do you live
With the pretty, rich kids
Who smile with softness?
Where do you go
When the sad music plays?
Does your head spins out of control
For days?
When the vacuum takes you,
Where do you stand?
Firm on the stars
Or sinking in the sand?

Free As A Word - 08/29/11

The wind in my hair
And the sun on my face
A beautiful smile
In the right place
Freedom of heart
Lightness of mind
On cloudy days
I now find sunshine

I've broken the chains on my heart
Free as bird, but where do I start?
Fly up north to the beautiful snow
Or down south for the sun's glow?
I could fly East to friendship
Or West to new love
Or I could stay where I am just because
I can

I tried feeling sorry
I tried regret
But I’ve decided
Each new day should be the best
I’ve finally kicked
Every tear from my eyes
Headed straight forward
No fear of goodbyes

I can’t be hurt
And I can’t be wronged
And I can’t be stopped
From singing every song
About how happy
I’ve made myself
By leaving your side
And jumping the shelf

I've broken the chains on my heart
Free as bird, but where do I start?
Fly up north to the beautiful snow
Or down south for the sun's glow?
I could fly East to friendship
Or West to new love
Or I could stay where I am just because
I can

I’ve no more worries
About what you’ll think
I’ll write what I want
And let your heart sink
I don’t give a damn
About the whole wide world
Call me a bitch if you want
But I’m just a happy girl
I’ll live my life for myself
From here on
Accepting and loving
Whoever comes along
With the sun on my hair
And the wind in my face
I’ve finally found
A peaceful, happy place

Princess - 08/29/11

O, princes
What are you waiting for?
Don’t know
You can climb your own hair?

O, princess
Who are you waiting on?
Turn up the music
And dance with yourself

There’s a whole big world
Filled with science and art
Don’t waste your time
Mending your heart

Can’t you hear
The evening calling?
Can’t you see
The stars falling?
Run to the clouds
You can fly
You can glide
Float to the stars
You can sing
You can sigh
Look down below
On all you can hold
The world in the palm of you hand
You can take the lovers you want
Leave the ones you don’t
Yes, you can
Yes, you can
Yes, you can

Starshine - 08/09/11

Sometimes it seems like
The lights on the edge of the world
Fade further every day

I'm chasing down a star
Wondering how it got so far away
Aren't you lonely, little star?
Would you like a friend?
Well, I'd like one too

But if you can hear me
If you can feel me
If you wonder what's she like?
You're too close
Take a few steps back
She only like the stars

It’s All My Fault - 07/28/11

Don’t bother to throw any punches
I’m already taking on myself
Tumbling 'round this memory
Knocking happiness from the shelf

You don’t have to say anything
Go ahead and leave
But if you ever want to speak up
I’m just to proud to say please

Please believe
I never set out to hurt
Please leave
Things are getting worse

It’s all my fault
It’s all my fault
Just walk away with battle scars
It’s all my fault
It’s all my fault
Get back to the living stars
It’s all my fault
It’s all my fault
And I know you think it just the same
So get away from this rigged game

Every line’s active mine
Every compliment has another side
Maybe you should just speak your mind
Tell me it’s all my fault
Rather be mad than nothing at all

Please believe
I never set out to hurt
Please just leave
Things are getting worse

It’s all my fault
It’s all my fault
Just walk away with battle scars
It’s all my fault
It’s all my fault
Get back to the living stars
It’s all my fault
It’s all my fault
And I know you think it just the same
So get away from this rigged game

If everything is falling apart
Then maybe you should let it go
You can’t fix this broken heart
Don’t deny what you know

You’re never going to be immortal
You’re not going to last forever
Your memory will lose to time
Just like every heart and lover

It’s all my fault
It’s all my fault
I know you think the same
But try to give it another name
It’s all my fault
It’s all my fault
Everything dies in time
Every atom, every star that shines
It’s all my fault
It’s all my fault
It’s all my fault
It’s all my fault

Honey, What Do You Know Of Hiding? - 07/27/11

We have all become
The shadows of our aching love
The ghost of who we strived to be
Souls left to find greater things
Bodies piled empty
The starless evening sky
A black dress in sweltering, late July
Run away from realty
Run while you can
Stuck in the same routine
The same little lies
The same short words
But it keeps you alive
The jungle is dangerous
Especially alone
But the jungle can creep
Right into your home
And when home isn’t safe
Where do you go?
Back to the safety
Of one soul alone

End Of An Era - 07/24/11

Sitting there in King’s Cross station
Punk rock music always playing
All your heroes are dead and gone
But the radio still plays their songs
Is this the fate that I will find
When I reach the other side?
Are you somewhere looking in
Wondering when the revolution will begin?
To fight our own Dark Lord?
Perhaps we’ll win
Perhaps we’ll all just fade away
Like we never mattered anyway
Perhaps there’ll be nothing to say
No memorable quote on our grave
But those who were really listening
Know the grave is only the beginning